1. We had to love and respect each other.

2. He had to think I was funny and vice versa. Humor is very important to me.

3. He had to be good with money but neccessarily making a ton. Just not spending like crazy and not saving.

4. He had to be good in bed.

5. Have to love what he does, whatever he does.

That was my criteria. Call me a superficial jerk, but that’s how I met my husband. And I NEVER thought I would get married, I imagined I was going to be a cat woman.

Concerning the debt question, it depends how he got it. If it was through college loans, it wouldn’t really bother me, compared to credit card debt. A lot of my reaction would depend on his attitude towards it. Was he taking it seriously and trying to pay it off, or was he getting deeper and deeper into debt? If the former, I don’t foresee a big problem to the relationship. If the latter, it would be deeply unattractive. Again, not strictly because of the money, but because of the qualities that are associated with this attitude: irresponsibility, impulsiveness, lack of self-control/self-discipline. It’s really hard to say on the four year question, because I’d hope that I’d know about it before then, but right now I’d consider it a hit to the relationship. You can’t really predict those things, though, because if you love someone and have a comfortable relationship you can forgive a lot. Rather I’d say: “smart women would consider five figure debt a possible deal breaker if the partner didn’t take it seriously”.

I have been married for 24 years now. I dated my wife through college and married her after we both finished college and had stable jobs. Interestingly, I made no bones about the fact I always wanted to marry someone with “GEP” and not only did my wife fit that model, we were also compatible religion wise and values wise.

Now, my wife never really revealed her true feelings about money, until I left private industry to become a “high school teacher”‘. Prior to teaching, I was a VP in private insurance industry and making a nice mid 6-figure salary. After 20 years of this rat race I decided I wanted to “make a difference”

Haha, when my wife found out I was thinking of leaving private industry to teach, she truly did not believe I was serious…until I started school for my credential.

Interestingly enough, my wife went on to tell me that had she known I would become a teacher, that she probably would not have married me. Do I have a problem with this? No. My “GEP” was important to her.

We are still married and now my wife is probably leaving her 6 figure job to become, of all things, a teacher.

Finances are probably the most important factor in a stable relationship. Men & women would be woefully ignorant if they marry simply for “love”.

I applaud you for evaluating what was important for you and casting aside the unrealistic idea of equality in marriage, something I think is as much of a BS script as “everyone should buy a house”. And before anyone gets upset – determining equality in marriage is like tracking the amount of touchdowns in a baseball game. It’s a non-starter… marriages are about building a family – even a family of two – not making sure everyone is equal.

It’s amazing how many young women from traditional families (especially here in the South) really want a marriage and a family, but buy into the idea that they have to get their master’s and a career first. There is nothing wrong with women having careers, but there definitely is something wrong with lying to them and convincing them they are worth less without it. I don’t know if you have a career or not, it’s not a necessity either way, but it’s great that you recognize that to you, your husband’s ability to provide is key to your relationship.